What Do You Value Most?

How to Identify and Live Your Core Values Everyday

What do you value most in your life? This question can feel intimidating and even a little loaded, especially since values are often linked, or even equated, with morality. While values and morality can be connected, values are not about being “bad” or “good.”

When most people first answer this question, they say things like family, friends, or health. Those are wonderful starting points! But values go a step further: they aren’t just about what matters most to you, they’re about how you want to live.

Think of values as the guiding qualities you want to embody in your day-to-day actions. For example, if you say you value compassion, how does that show up in the way you treat yourself, your loved ones, or even strangers?

I love working with clients on their values because it shifts them from feeling stuck or directionless to moving toward a life that feels meaningful and aligned.

What Are Values?

At their core, values are not goals you check off a list, they’re ongoing directions that guide the way you live. They act like a compass, helping you navigate choices, big or small, in a way that feels authentic and aligned with who you want to be.

Where a goal might be “run a 5k,” a value might be “health” or “growth.” You can accomplish the goal and move on, but the value keeps guiding you long after the race is over. Values aren’t about a finish line, they’re about the qualities you want to show up with in everyday life.

For example, if one of your values is compassion, you might choose to listen deeply when a friend is struggling, offer kindness to yourself when you make a mistake, or volunteer your time to support others. If you value authenticity, it could look like being honest about your needs, showing up as your true self in relationships, or making choices that reflect what matters to you rather than what others expect. A value like family might show up in simple daily actions like sharing meals, calling a loved one, or setting aside time to be fully present with them.

These examples show that values aren’t abstract concepts. Values are lived out in the small, concrete choices you make every day.

Why Are Values Important?

Values are important because they give direction, even in the hard moments of life. They can help you make decisions that feel aligned and meaningful and not just reactive. Additionally, knowing your values can buffer you against feeling “stuck” because they can help you move forward, even when an outcome isn’t guaranteed.

How Do I Know What I Value?

A common barrier to exploring values is, honestly, ourselves. Values inventories can feel overwhelming or even exhausting, people often look at a long list and think, “Well, I value everything!” Narrowing it down can feel impossible.

Another barrier is the pressure of “shoulds.” We sometimes assume that if our family or society values something, we’re supposed to value it too, without stopping to ask if that value truly matters to us.

So how do you begin to discover what you truly value? One way is to reflect on the moments in life when you’ve felt most alive, proud, or connected. What were you doing, and what qualities were present in those experiences?

Another helpful approach is to think about the people you admire. What is it about them that inspires you? What actions have they taken that exemplify that value? Often, those same qualities point to your own values.

Sometimes it helps to look at a values list for inspiration, not to pressure yourself, but to spark ideas. Here’s one from Therapist Aid (Values Clarification) that many people find useful.

It can also be useful to notice times when you feel “off track.” For example, if you find yourself frustrated at work because you feel unheard or unseen, that may reveal how much you value respect, fairness, or authenticity. Discomfort can be a clue that something important to you is being neglected.

The goal isn’t to land on a perfect list of values once and for all, the goal is to begin identifying the themes that feel meaningful to you right now. Your values can, and probably will, evolve and shift over time as your life changes.

How Do I Live My Values Day-To-Day?

One way to do this is through micro-steps. For example, if you value kindness, that could look like pausing to hold the door for someone, checking in on a friend, or speaking more gently to yourself when you make a mistake. If you value growth, maybe it’s listening to a podcast that challenges you, trying a new recipe, or signing up for a class. These don’t have to be big or dramatic actions, they just need to point you in the direction of what matters most to you.

Another practice I often share with clients is called Flavor and Savor. It’s a mindfulness technique that simplifies values-based living. The idea comes from Russ Harris, a well-known Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) trainer and author of The Happiness Trap (learn more here). The idea is to choose one value for the day (like compassion, curiosity, or presence) and look for opportunities to embody that value in small ways. Be curious about what it feels like to add that flavoring to your day, and savor the positive feelings that come with living within your value system.

At the end of the day, you can reflect: How did I live into this value today? Where did I notice it showing up? This simple practice keeps your values alive and helps you notice moments of meaning that might otherwise pass by.

Remember, living your values isn’t about perfection. Some days you’ll feel deeply aligned, other days you may drift off course. What matters most is gently noticing where you are, and choosing to step back in the direction that feels true to you.

Simple moments like cooking together are everyday ways to live out values like family and connection.

Living a Life That’s True to You

Exploring your values is a powerful way to move from feeling stuck to creating a life that feels meaningful and true to you. When you know what matters most, decisions become clearer, your daily actions feel more purposeful, and you begin to experience a deeper sense of alignment.

At the same time, the process can feel overwhelming. While resources like Russ Harris’s teachings or printable values lists can be helpful starting points, sometimes it takes more than a worksheet to uncover what truly matters.

That’s where support can make all the difference. If you’d like guidance in discovering your own values and learning how to live them out in ways that feel authentic, reach out here.

Living in alignment with your values can bring peace, clarity, and connection, just like pausing to take in a sunset.